MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

Spurious George v. 2.0 Launches!

Spurious George©, a subsidiary of Kramerica World Enterprises©, a division of the US Department of Homeland Security©, today announced the successful launch of the next generation in internet-based America-loving, Spurious George v. 2.0. While no one could have predicted how devastatingly hard it would be to create a more patriotic version of SG, project manager and former FEMA director Michael Brown believes the final result was worth the long delays and billions in federal subsidies. “The new SG home is a heckuva site,” gushed Brown, who nevertheless lamented the thousands of purebred Arabian horses who lost their lives making SG II possible.

Sadly, the birth of Spurious George, Part Deux also marks the death of the original site, as there will be no further updates at this site. SG icon Rex Kramer, while admitting a touch of nostalgia for his old haunts, rationalized that it was time to move on. “The fact is, I trashed the old place like an English death-metal band at an airport Ramada. I seriously doubt I’ll even get my deposit back.” Based in his past actions and many, many insurance clauses, Rex’s new digs were designed to be both hippie, groupie, and fire-proof. “Spurious George, the Sequel, much like President Bush’s focus on the War on Terror, is indestructible. I suspect we’ll be there for an eternity…or maybe even until the Democrats take back the White House.”

SG’s new pad, a Dude of The Blue Republic-designed original, is now open for business. If you are not immediately re-directed to that site, well, it’s probably because we lack the technological know-how necessary to pull something like that off!

P.S. In case you missed it, the new site is HERE.

Patience, Patriots!

SG's New Site Almost Complete

(Orlando) Thanks to a generous grant from FEMA and the technical expertise of Dude of The Blue Republic fame, the new-and-improved Spurious George portal into the world of freedom-loving is almost complete. While we here at SG believe that setting deadlines only serves to bring aid and/or comfort to the Islamo-fascists, we anticipate announcing the new site's whereabouts by the end of this week (sooner, if the Democrats don't get in the way.)

PARDON OUR PATRIOTIC DUST

Spurious George's long-overdue renovation has been, like Operation Enduring Freedom, a resounding success...but one with a few, overblown bumps in the road to sweet, sweet freedom. Like the President, however, we will stay the course. Unlike John Murtha, we will not cut and run.

In other words, we'll fix this thing if it takes a few hundred billion tax dollars and a couple hundred thousand soldiers.

Stay tuned, America!

P.S. This internet stuff is HARD!

RUMSFELD DENIES ARTISTIC ABILITY

“I’m a Doer, Not Some Hippie Dreamer” DefSec Admits

(Washington) Even among men with a lifetime of sterling achievement, some dreams die hard. So it is with Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, who today tearfully admitted before a Senate subcommittee his failure to become the artist his father wanted him to be. “I never painted a rosy picture,*” lamented the usually-stoic secretary, who later explained that he suffered from a rare form of color-blindness that rendered him unable to see any of the colors in the red family. So shocking was this revelation that many of the more liberal Senators on the panel erroneously believed he had been referring to his pre-war prognosis for Iraq.



Especially and predictably confused was Senator Clinton (D-Lesbos,) who inexplicably harped upon the few minor glitches that had occurred along the Iraqis’ path toward sweet freedom…most of which are blamed on her own party’s defeatist agenda. "Under your leadership, there have been numerous errors in judgment that have led us to where we are in Iraq and Afghanistan,*" shrieked Clinton, obviously oblivious to the well-known fact that “where we are” in Iraq and Afghanistan is “all up in al Qaeda’s ass!” Once a female aide/possible lover explained to the future losing presidential candidate that Rumsfeld was merely venting his failure in the arts, Clinton resorted to schadenfreude-esque taunts. “I can draw better than you can,” sing-songed New York’s junior Senator, who then scribbled a female stick-figure with disproportionately large breasts.

An obviously-unburdened Rumsfeld later admitted to the Pentagon press corps that his confession had a cathartic effect on him, and that he was comfortable with his lack of artistic ability. “I mean,” sighed the history-enthusiast, “how many failed artists have ever started a world war, tortured prisoners, and imprisoned people based solely on their religion?”

* - Indicates Actual Quotes