Wednesday, December 14, 2005


President Vows To Return “Merry Christmas” To WH Site

(Washington) President Bush, in yet another example of his willingness to take personal responsibility for the mistakes of others, today assumed blame for the White House website’s failure to establish the primacy of Christmas over other end-of-the-year holidays. Specifically, Bush drew attention to the site’s “holiday page,” in which the word “holiday” appeared eleven times, and the superior term “Christmas” only six.

Humbly announced Bush, “Let history show that this president followed through with what he believed, and I believe in Christmas, and that Christmas is the holiest day for freedom-loving Americans everywhere. May God continue to bless America, which, even after the world changed on 9/11, still loves Christmas.” The president then signed an executive order that officially changed the term “federal holiday” to “federal Christmas,” and banned the liberal-secularist innuendo-laced greeting of “happy holidays” from all federally-funded materials.

Officials at the Government Accounting Office later released documents that revealed that the former White House holiday page had not been updated since December, 2000, the last Christmas stained by the Clinton misadministration. “In keeping with his firm belief in keeping down government costs, the president did not feel the need to incur the expense of producing a new web page every year,” logically explained White House press secretary Scott McClellan. “In fact, the changes the president announced were only possible thanks to a generous donation of time, money, and know-how by the Diebold Corporation.”

Americans who believe that the birth of Christ demands some sort of recognition, such as concerned citizen Bill O’Reilly, applauded the president’s actions. “While it was unnecessary to assume blame for Bill Clinton’s hatred of Christianity, it is clear to me that President Bush recognizes the Christian majority of this country is sick and tired of being persecuted.” O’Reilly, who has gained some recent notoriety for his grassroots effort to thwart efforts by secularists to reduce Jesus Christ’s birth to nursery rhyme status, said that he would remove the White House site from his humble newsletter’s blacklist. “As far as I’m concerned, President Bush has showed his resolve to stick to his beliefs by bowing to popular opinion.”

Noted author John Gibson, a man not given to sensationalism, concurred with O’Reilly. “Quite frankly, Christian Americans, which of course is redundant, find it offensive to have their holiest day commingled with ‘holidays’ celebrated by other, lesser faiths, especially those practiced by those who view Our Lord as a mere prophet, or worse, killed him.”


Anonymous The Heretik said...

Nice. Or naughty. Or naughty and nice.

December 14, 2005 9:35 PM  
Blogger joseph mailander said...

Christ, I've got to start reading this blog more, to find out what's going on.

Hey, thanks man, for blogrolling us at Martini Republic if I haven't already said it. Will be right back to peek again very soon.

December 15, 2005 4:55 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Thanks, Heretic. I've been informed by those defending Christmas that coal is what I can expect this year.

Thanks, Joseph, for stopping by. I stumbled over the site via The Rude One, and the Martini site (like others I link to) join his as daily reads.

December 15, 2005 7:56 PM  

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