Monday, December 12, 2005


VP Eyes 2008 White House, Olympics, Poetry

(Cheyenne) Sources close to VP Dick Cheney have revealed that while the vice president is in excellent health, he may resign his current post to focus his energies on other long-range goals. Observed close friend and Halliburton CEO David Lesar, “Let’s face it, Dick’s accomplished more in five years than most presidents do in eight. I think he’s earned the right to take a break, and maybe finish that book of poetry he’s been working on.”

While others within Cheney’s circle agree he may soon relinquish the vice presidency, they assert that he has more patriotic pursuits on his mind. “The vice president is hearing the call of those who want him in the White House in 2008,” remarked confidante and former Iraqi National Congress leader Ahmad Chalabi. “While not yet committed to running, he is leaving open the possibility, and doesn’t want it to appear that he is using government funds to further his own interests.”

Still others believe the vice president may step aside so that he may fully immerse himself in his true passion, weightlifting. Cheney, an alternate power lifter for the 1984 US Olympic team, is said to be eyeing a spot for the 2008 squad. “While Dick is committed to bringing freedom to Iraq and the Middle East, such effort has had a major effect on his grueling training regimen,” observed friend and 7-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong. “This may be his last chance to earn a gold medal, and I think he’s taking it.”

While administration officials refuse to comment, several names have already been floated as a possible successor to history’s greatest vice president. Among the more notable names mentioned are Harriet Miers, Michael Brown, and Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT.) Lieberman’s name is generating the most buzz, as many believe he is a polar opposite of the president. Critics point out that Lieberman remains a member of the out-of-the-mainstream Democratic Party, and also that, unlike the president, Lieberman does not accept Jesus Christ as his lord and savior.

Still, proponents of the Connecticut senator point out that he would bring a fresh perspective to the administration. “While both the President and Senator Lieberman agree that we obviously need to stay the course in Iraq, they differ on what exactly that course is,” opined White House press secretary Scott McClellan. “The President feels we should support freedom-loving, while Senator Lieberman leans more toward those who love freedom. That said, the President, as everyone knows, welcomes views that differ from his own.”


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