GOP’s BIG TENT SWELLS

DeLay Supporters Even Include Radical Feminists

(Houston) “The Democrats would have you believe that our party is made up of only angry white men,” said Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX) at a recent fundraiser held to support his grassroots re-election campaign. “But as we proved here tonight, our tent is large enough to include angry white women as well.” DeLay was referring to the attendance of Diane Wilson, former member of underground terrorist group Code Pink. Wilson proudly announced that she donated a sizeable percentage of her annual income to DeLay’s cause, and even spoke glowingly of fellow attendee Dick Cheney’s efforts to bring American values to the underprivileged Third World, hailing his success in bringing sweet, succulent freedom from “Bhopal to Baghdad.”

“I paid only $50 for the privilege of rubbing elbows with American heroes like Dick Cheney and Tom DeLay,” gushed an overwhelmed Wilson, who earlier renounced her distant relationship to terrorist sympathizer and American traitor Joe Wilson. Wilson was so overcome with shock and awe regarding her good fortune she ultimately had to be forcibly removed from the gathering by concerned security, who then escorted her to a fresh-air area where it is assumed she was able to comport herself.

The event was not without it’s’ negativity, however. A small gathering of professional protesters that included partisan hack Ronnie Earle of the Harris County (TX) Democratic Harassment Office and “cry on cue” leftist political tool Cindy Sheehan huddled together outside, where they sand 60’s protest songs and, quite possibly, conceived fetuses that will ultimately be aborted. Still, DeLay’s humble populist campaign event proceeded without incident until the 22nd District’s favorite son revealed a shocking statement of pure patriotism.

Hands shaking, DeLay recalled that when he realized that the baseless charges irresponsibly made against him would no longer enable him to serve his beloved country as House Majority Leader, he walked into the nearest Army recruiting office and informed a startled staff sergeant that he wished to enlist as a humble private and be sent immediately to Iraq for freedom-ensuring duty. “I was however, sadly and regrettably, informed that so many freedom-loving minorities had enlisted that there was no room for a patriotic Texan like myself.” Only then, he said, did he resolve to honor those soldiers’ fighting spirit by taking Earle and his partisan cronies head on. “As our leader, and my hero, once said, ‘bring em’ on!”