Saturday, December 17, 2005

NY TIMES EDITOR ARRESTED

Traitor Bill Keller To Be Held, Tried At Gitmo

(New York) Yesterday, in a Spurious George exclusive it was reported that the US Justice Department had opened an investigation of the New York Times editorial staff in regards to that treasonous daily’s leak of the NSA’s completely legal surveillance techniques. Today, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announced that the exhaustive investigation had been completed, and that Times editor Bill Keller had been arrested and arraigned on the charge of treason.

“We got him,” announced a jubilant President Bush to a televised audience of freedom-loving Americans. “Bill Keller’s exposure of a legal and necessary tool in the war on terror was both irresponsible and illegal. He has given aid and comfort to the enemy, and, I might add, hates Christmas.”

In a separate press conference, Gonzales expressed hope that Keller’s arrest would make other terrorist-sympathizing news agencies think twice before revealing top secret information. “Bill Keller represents merely the tip of the terrorist network, one that extends from him all the way to bin Laden himself.” Gonzales, who this past week uncharacteristically failed in his attempts to sway liberal senators to make the Patriot Act permanent, said he believes this arrest will open the eyes of the aptly-named bill’s former opponents. “I don’t think anyone wants to go on record as not staying the course in the war on terror. The Patriot Act not only needs to pass, it needs to be amended to the Constitution.”

In a related story, Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA) proposed a Constitutional Amendment that would grant the president powers to authorize wiretaps without warrant. The Amendment, if passed, would be retroactive, for no particular reason, to September 11, 2001. “Patriotic Americans have nothing to fear from this proposal,” announced Hunter, who says he regularly listens in on the telephone conversations made by his family. “only those who would harm us, and those who give aid and comfort to those who would harm us, need fear discovery.

The Times’ Keller, like all terrorist suspects, was immediately transported to the humane detention center located at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, often referred to in travel brochures as “Club Gitmo.” Keller, who could face execution if convicted, was upon arrival arraigned before a military judge, where transcripts from every telephone conversation he has had and every e-mail he has sent since September 11, 2001 was read into evidence.

2 Comments:

Anonymous The Heretik said...

George Spurious, your work has been noted by those who note things for George Bush. This is either very bad or very good. Possibly both.

December 18, 2005 5:36 AM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Thanks (I think,) H. Whenever I try to anticipate Bubble One's next move, I have a friend liberally whack me with an iron pipe upside the head a few times. Never fails.

December 18, 2005 5:40 PM  

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