Monday, December 19, 2005


“Historic” Address Quells Doubt, Brings Hope

(Washington) Last night President Bush invited all Americans, both Republican and freedom-hater, into his confidence, and with his usual eloquence and candor that has defined his reign, united a fractured nation. What began as one of his regularly-scheduled addresses ended with what one understated administration official referred to as “The Gettysburg Address of our time,” as well as a primer for future presidents to refer to when leveling with the American public.

Around the country, patriot and liberal alike gathered around their televisions and absorbed the unabridged truth that flowed from the president’s lips like freedom after an Iraqi election. And while Bush, amazingly, still has his detractors, no one who was present for his historic speech had any doubt that the president’s sole mission is the saving of American lives. “Every time he mentioned 9/11, well, I got goosebumps,” shivered Sen. Joe Lieberman (D-CT,) a formerly dedicated Bush-hater. “Sometimes we as Americans forget that terrible day. Thank God we have a man like President Bush in the Oval Office, someone willing to do whatever it takes to protect our freedom.”

Lieberman’s long-overdue recognition of the brilliance of the Bush Doctrine was echoed far outside the Beltway. At a Boise Wal-Wart, Christian soliders took time out from their protest against the War on Christmas© to sing the president’s praises. “I loved how we waved his arms about, how he was more animated,” remarked one shopper who loves low prices, but hates secularism. “That tells me he’s passionate about protecting the homeland. It’s a shame he can’t run again, if you ask me.”

“So what if he bugged a few towel-heads,” snorted fellow freedom-loving protester Will O’Weily. “If they’re innocent, well, they can go back to mixing my Slurpees. If they’re not, well, ol’ W will round em’ up and send em’ down to Club Gitmo.” O’Weily went on to say that he was tired of the spin the president’s enemies put on his actions, and that he rightly believed that Bush should only have to consult Congress on matters of national security if time permitted.

In light of Bush’s impassioned plea for unity in the War on Terror®, most Americans expressed both shock and awe that Congress has yet to join forces with the president. “I don’t get it. First they’re for the Patriot Act, now they’re against it?” incredulously asked Wal-Mart protester Alberto Gonzales. “It makes me, and I’m sure all American who’d prefer not to be attacked by terrorists, wonder what’s wrong with the party of John Kerry. Do they hate America that much?”


Blogger AJ said...

I for one, had to wipe the tears from my eyes, during our beloved President's speech.
Hereafter, I have decided to dedicate my writings and my life only to unbiased patriotic commentators as the ones you ,Rex, so eloquently suggest under 'Freedom Loving Patriots'.
excellent post

December 19, 2005 5:51 PM  
Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

I once attended Lincoln Elementary School, where the words of the Great Emancipator were etched into eternal stone. What chance, do you think, that years from now a Bush speech (such as they are) will do so?

Then again, don't answer that. My school system also had a Nixon Elementary (I sheet you not.)

December 20, 2005 7:36 PM  

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