Greenspan: W Can Clean Brush Like Nobody's Business
(New Orleans) Outgoing Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan, in a noble effort to infuse cash into the ravaged New Orleans economy, last night hosted his retirement party on the floor of the Superdome surrounded by hundreds of politicians of all stripes, financial titans that ranged between the millionaire and billionaire, and a few transvestite whores. “It takes all kinds to make an economy grow,” the 107 year-old wizard gurgles as he sipped champagne from the ample cleavage of Newt Gingrich. “Grow, muthafukah, grow!”
Greenspan, known throughout his career as a man who parsed his words with diplomatic skill, was increasing verbose as the night teetered on, buoyed as he was by several mimosas. “Reagan got me this gig, yes sir, he did, and, well, I loved that man. Except for the nose hair! Good God, it was like the Black Forest times two. With interest!” Greenspan went on to describe the Great Communicator as an innovator who “wasn’t afraid to stand up to business and say, ‘I’ll cut your taxes whether you like it or not!”
The inebriated economist spoke freely regarding other Presidents who did his bidding. On George H.W. Bush he reminisced, “Georgie broke my heart with that whole ‘no new taxes’ promise, but wow, could the man dance!” Clinton brought prosperity, but Greenspan was more impressed with his ability to produce unexpected windfalls. “Bubba had this thing for the pudgy chicks, which left the hot ones for me.”
When asked to speak about the current president’s economic acumen, however, Greenspan’s comments were less sparkling. “Well, W can sure clear brush.” With that, the most respected man in Washington took his leave in the arms of Chantilly, the Granny Tranny of the 9th Ward.